Get Ready To Talk!
Relationships come in many forms.
Personal relationships exist within our family, at school or work, and in our neighborhood and communities. It is never too early for parents and their children to talk about healthy relationships. When we talk about a "healthy relationship" we are discussing the qualities that make for a caring friendship.
- A friend is honest
- A friend keeps commitments
- A friend is always respectful
Young people watch older people's relationships to learn how to be a good friend. Throughout elementary school students observe teachers and other students to learn about being a friend. Learning to share, to listen, to discuss conflict, and to support one another are the qualities a child can learn from adults and peers. Most people learn how to be a good friend. Some people don't.
Healthy relationships require that each person listen carefully to one another. Friends can speak wiht each other about concerns. Some people may not have learned to listen or speak about problems and areas of concerns. Some people may become threatening or controlling or violent.
Parents should watch for signs that a child may be having problems forming healthy relationships. If a child is not learning how to be a good friend there are ways to help teach about finding friends, being social, and being respectful of others.
Goals of "The Talk"
The goal of this "talk" is to help parents and children:
- Define terms related to friendship
- Define terms related to healthy relationships
- Discuss the differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships
- Discuss how to respond when to a person is not being a good friend
- Identify the health and safety problems associated with unhealthy intimate relationships and teen dating violence
- Identify where to go for help if problems with relationships develop
- Discuss family rules, school rules and laws that are related to relationships and showing respect
- Discuss community projects which can create environments which support healthy relationships.
As you explore
As you explore this site, you and your child can learn in a variety of ways. This "talk" includes the following family activities:
- Let's Talk Activities
- Videos
- Safety Rules
- Questions & Answers
- 10 Tips
You may also access the Google map directory of services, guide to resources, glossary of terms, calendar of events (to attend a Let's Talk parent workshop), or learn about local Community Projects your family can support.
Different Ages: Different Types of Friendships
As children turn into teenagers there are big changes both physically and emotionally. With puberty comes an interest in romantic relationships. Now there are new questions about what makes for a good boyfriend or girlfriend. A list of qualities might look like this:
A healthy boyfriend or girlfriend relationship has the following qualities:
- Honesty
- Both people keep commitments
- Both people are always respectful
- A person never pushes a boyfriend or girlfriend to do anything he or she is not ready for
- Both people communicates his or her feelings" listening carefully and speaking respectfully
- Both people understand that each person needs time to spend with family and other friends
Unhealthy Relationships: Understanding Teen Dating Violence
Violence can occur between two people who are in a romantic relationship. The violence may take many forms, including threats of violence, control and physical assault.
Teen dating violence affects young people ages 10 to 24 years of age. Teen dating violence may include:
- insults
- coercion—forcing a partner to do things he or she does not wish to
- social sabotage (keeping a partner isolated, away from friends)
- sexual harassment
- threats and acts of physical or sexual abuse
- stalking
- date rape
- sexual assault
The abusive partner uses a pattern of violent and coercive behavior in order to gain power and maintain control over a dating partner.
Dating violence crosses all racial, economic and social lines. Girls are more likely than boys to experience injury as a result of sexual and/or physical abuse. Couples in a same-sex or opposite sex relationship can also experience teen dating violence.
Contributing factors to the risk of teen dating violence:
- Peer attitudes that teen dating violence is normal and acceptable
- Witnessing parental domestic violence
- Early sexual relationships (earlier than high school)
- Alcohol use
Some people may have learned the roles of victim and/or victimizer from the household they grew up in. They may have little experience with a healthy, respectful relationship.
Signs of a potential victimizer:
- Extreme jealousy
- Controlling behavior
- Rapid start of the relationship
- Unpredictable mood swings
- Alcohol and drug use
- Explosive anger
- Isolation (isolating the partner from friends and family)
- Belief in rigid sex roles (especially that a woman's role is to obey and a man's role is to be in control)
- Blames others for his/her problems or feelings
- Cruelty to animals or children
- Verbal abuse
- Abused former partners
- Threatens violence
When people find themselves in a relationship with a violent, threatening or controlling person they may try to keep it secret. Strong emotions may keep an unhealthy relationship together. Or a young person may reach out to another friend for support. Parents, extended family members, and school staff should also be on the look out for a person asking for help.
Different Messages
We know that with the Internet and 24/7 TV stations that young people get tons of information about healthy and unhealthy relationships. The truth is that children, as early as elementary school, are getting hundreds of messages about sexual relationships every day" on the TV, the Internet, in movies, on the school playground, and from older siblings. Messages about sex and relationship are everywhere but strong messages about healthy relationships are not. There are a lot of confusing and conflicting things said about sexuality, relationships, violence and mutual respect that need to be discussed and taught by parents.
We believe that parents are the best providers of information about healthy relationships since the topic is about values, ethics, honesty, relationships, commitment, and communication. Children hear all types of jokes and rumors about sex and dating throughout the community. This lesson helps parents and their children discuss what a healthy relationship looks and sounds like.
The "Let's Talk" Activities
Young people (and adults) can sometimes find themselves in a not-so-healthy relationship.
It can come as a surprise that a friend or dating partner is not respectful. It's best to think about healthy relationship before getting into one. Using the above Let's Talk activities can help young people think about ways to cope with unhealthy behaviors and unhealthy relationships of all types. The activities can be used in a way that is easy and fun-- leading to all kinds of interesting talks about relationships. Parent and child can work together on filling in the cartoon characters' thinking and speaking bubbles.
There are no right or wrong answers, just lots of opportunities to discuss the issues. It just takes a few minutes to chat about how the bubbles were filled in and to explore the issues of healthy relationships with your child. 
Videos
Let's Talk provides videos to spark conversations between family members about the "tough issues".
In the video, "The Talk" a brother and sister are in the living room while their parents discuss in another room whether or not to have "the puberty talk". The parents are not so sure that the kids know everything they need to know about healthy relationships.
Questions & Answers
Kids and lots of adults have questions about keeping safe, healthy and successful in school. We have collected commonly asked questions and responses from around the nation.
What do I do if I suspect that my child is experiencing teen dating violence?
There can be very strong attachments to a boyfriend or girlfriend even if that person is being abusing, cruel, controlling and disrespectful. This is the problem with addressing teen dating violence (and intimate partner violence between adults). What a friend or family member can do is listen carefully to a young person struggling in a relationship. One can do ones best to explain the dangers of teen dating violence.
The teen may be the victim or the victimizer.
A parent has the responsibility to keep a child safe from harm so enforcing family rules about dating only respectful people is important. It can also present a huge challenge. We are not trying to minimize the stress that can be caused by a willful teen who insists on staying in an unhealthy and potentially violent relationship...
Safety Rules!
Every family has values about healthy relationships...
Parents can have strong religious or political beliefs about what is OK and not OK. Family values are very diverse and one family living next door to another can have very different opinions about sexuality and relationships. These values can be guides for people to follow.
10 Tips For Healthy Relationships
Families are finding solutions to all types of problems.
We have created a list of ten ways to keep young people safe, healthy and successful at home, school and in the community. Read about "10 Tips For Healthy Relationships" and share your tips, too.
'Here's What I Know' Quiz
Now that you have learned so much about healthy relationships, take a moment and try the 'Here's What I Know' quiz. It's only a few questions and a good chance to show what you know.
